thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
