i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
