So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
