its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
