And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
