Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
