I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
