Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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