i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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