I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
