there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
