I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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