GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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