fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Randomize
