We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
