I'm so fucking centered right now
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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