so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
