They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
