u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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