He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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