News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
