I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
