No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize