You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
