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Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize