you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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