Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have post one night stand depression
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