Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
