So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
