Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How naked do you want me to be?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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