Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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