I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
