I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
