i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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