i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
