I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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