I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
