Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
