I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The Olympian is in my bed
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