She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
