also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
