It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
