omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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