Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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