I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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