i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
