Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
