I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
