I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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