my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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