ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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