your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
