His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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