Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
