He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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