I showed him my bush... on skype.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
What a dumb baby whore.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
