So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
