there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
