i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
