In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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