he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
