You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
