I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
