Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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