I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
