May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
