Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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