He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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